who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
