I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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