This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
