SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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