I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
