I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
