and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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