Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
