apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
