my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
