So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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