Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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