The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
