after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
