I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
