they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
