carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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