Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
