Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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