i need an iv and a liver transplant
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
