My Higher Power is John Stamos
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
