I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
