I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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