Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
