It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
