Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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