A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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