we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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