She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
