he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
