There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
