So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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