Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
