operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
