He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
