go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
