im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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