where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
