Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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