you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I had to cum in my sink.
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