If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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