Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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