You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
