is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
