he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
