I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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