How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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