I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
