So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he thought i was a dude.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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