What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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