so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
